"There's one thing you never put in a trap..."

The last thoughts that I wrote about previously have left me thinking long and hard about things. I'm starting to feel the winds of change brewing in my life. Something that has slowly started to develop, mostly with regards to work, but also I guess with myself an my thinking on things. There is a sense of sour bitterness approaching.
I felt this once before an I elected to jump before I was pushed. Though it was hard, an a period of roughness came which I didn't enjoy. It also came with a certain degree of readjusting and often things you take for granted become obvious in there absence.
However in the long run I think it was something that was wise to do. If for my own happiness and nothing else.

So with regards to my ever present future, I'm feeling that a new jump is required. Where I fall exactly and just how well is yet to be seen, but during the free fall of it, wish me luck.

As of right now nothing is for certain (if it ever is) So over the next coming months I shall write about my experience and if indeed any progress has happened. You may be sitting there reading wondering what I'm so cryptically waffling on about, or what I have in mind. If any of you reading truly know me, I guess you may have some idea of what it is I'm trying to do. So wish me luck and as of Monday I will kick the first stage of my plan into action (like I really have a plan) so wish me luck on that.

*

It's an exciting week of telly as two of my favourite shows are set to return to the box an I can't wait.
"Ashes to Ashes" and "Doctor who".
Where do I start with why I'm excited about the return of these two ingenious shows. Ashes to Ashes comes with a sense of sad excitement. Sad excitement? Yeah, well good that its back yet sad that its coming to an end. The sense that a few prolonged unanswered mysteries promise to be reveal. I just hope they aren't a let down. An I'm looking forward to hearing some new Gene Hunt words of wisdom.

As for the return of the Doctor. We have a whole new one to welcome and help guide us into the new who era. We had no series last year and I felt Saturday night telly lacked because of it, nothing filled the void. The amount of reality telly talent shows, or shows about falling over members of the public didn't come close. They were easy often cheaper mindless shows for the simple masses. They don't fill you with wonder, excitement while raising the back of your hairs in nervous anticipation. Maybe that's just me, but that's something that the return of who brings with it for me. That excitement and eager wanting of the next episode. To be taken on the joyous ride, nothings grips like the build up to the show an each that follows.
From the small clips I've seen, the approach seems familiar yet fresh at the same time. So over the next few weeks I shall be gripped to my telly lapping up all the telly goodness that is on its way, enjoying the emotional ride that awaits, only wish it could last.

Oh and on a personal note, finally my 10th Doctor replica coat is on the way. I can't wait to try it on and feel the weight and whoosh of it all. It's proven to be a bit of a battle to get hold of, with regards to supplier problems an what not. Taken about 6 months to get here, I just hope it has been worth the wait.
Photos I'm sure are to follow for those people who have displayed an interest just to see what its like in all of its magnificence.

Anyway I shall leave you here while I climb into bed early because the damn summer time is stealing an hour of my sleep, damn you BST!! *Shakes fist*

How can I change the path that I'm on? This is my Destiny

There is a point when everyone has to face up to their future, to decide what it is they want to do. Some may call it Destiny.

Sometimes people dream of achieving something while they carry on their life dreaming of what shall be, Then there are the special few who don't dream, they make it real.

What is it that makes them different? What is it that drives them? Ambition? The drive to make a dream real. Talent? The undeniable ability to just be great and let destiny come to them.

It is said that no matter what you do in life someone, somewhere is just better at it than you. I guess it could be true, but at the same time wouldn't you wish you'd never meet them and face up to the reality. Sometimes its not always true, as sometimes a true great will come along who is unequaled. I can think of some examples in sport where this has happened. Michael Schumacher was a great, doesn't matter if you like them or not, their achievements alone speak for themselves. Another great would be Roger Federrer who keeps on winning and at times looks utterly unbeatable. Are these people examples of that exception?

I guess somewhere along the line I don't know what truly is my "special" skill. What is it that stands me out from others an is my true skill. Do you know yours?

I like writing, I enjoy it but I've quickly come to the conclusion I'm not stand out good at it. There are works by others that I simply get blown away by, the brilliance in what they have created. The depth, detail and sometimes unquestionable level of genius. They also say everyone has a book in them, that doesn't mean its a work of brilliance. Lots of people churn out books that have no real point to them. I guess I simply lack the great writing spark.

I like to think I'm good at gaming. However with that being said, I have often played games online and often gotten beat. Or I see achievements in games that I simply don't understand how they did it. Is that plainly down to the fact they are better than me? Do they know something about the game I don't, is that where the skill lies? At least I can honestly say I've achieved things without the aid of cheats. At least in that I can take the moral high ground by saying I've done things the proper way they were intended to be done.

So I guess I'm yet to truly find what it is that I'm great at. I've found things that I've thought I was good at, but not great. So what is my skill? Just when I think I know, someone comes along and is simply better and, or knows more than I do.

I seem to have a growing thirst to learn and find out about things that fascinate me. Something I can honestly say I didn't feel when at school. Perhaps that's because my learning path was carved out for me. Where as now I'm not in a forced learning structure and am free to learn the things I want to. Thou I often wish I had more time to spend to the learning of things. Sometimes I feel thou in a weeks time I look back and I've not really retained what I learnt the week before. Is that because I didn't truly learn it in the first place? Does my brain not work how I want, or am I learning in the wrong way.

Anyway with all this being said I've gone wildly off my original starting point. "Destiny"

Suffice to say, I've come to a point in my life where I'm going to have to change things before it becomes to late.

I've laid awake at night unable to sleep because my mind is full of so many thoughts on the subject that its begun to scare me. I think its more in the "How do I do it" or perhaps its in the idea of simply failing at it that scares me. I've dreamt about doing nothing else my whole life. If it doesn't work out, I simply don't know what else to do, and I think that thought scares me even more.

Is this simply the drive and ambition that I've needed all along? The key ingredient that sparks thou's people who achieve. I kinda hope so.

With all that I've said, and thanks for reading if you have. I shall leave with a little quote that comes to mind that helps to sum up some thoughts on the subject. An it comes from Baz Lurhmans "Everyone is free (to wear sunsceen)" speech/song.

"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what to do with their lives...some of the most interesting 40 year olds I've met, still don't"